Visit www.thewarcry.com for a video by a stabbing victim who
found refuge at a Salvation Army domestic violence lodge.
18
The War Cry | SEPTEMBER 2014
Ruby's Story
MEN: Silent Victims
R
uby* was in her 60's and prided herself
on handling most situations.
She didn't
want to admit that her husband was
abusive. How could she face the fact that
the man she had been with for ten years was hurting
her? She only had a
small income of her own.
How could she make it
without Ed's* help?
Ruby's short term
memory was failing and
her husband used that
to manipulate the truth.
Even when she came to
the Army's Domestic
Violence Program
in Hudson, FL
with broken
bones, Ruby
talked about fall-
ing down. That's
what Ed said happened. Ruby thought that
if she could get Ed to stop drinking he would
stop abusing her. Ed would convince her
that he would change if only she would come
back. Ruby felt guilty. She was the one who
cared for him when his drinking binges left
him vulnerable.
When Ruby would call the shelter hotline,
the advocates helped her through her tears
to plan for safety. They also offered her hope.
Ruby stayed at the shelter five times during
her struggle to find peace. Her final visit to
the shelter was different. Assisted by her
case manager, she started making a plan.
She began signing up for benefits that she
never knew existed. Then Ruby moved to a
senior living environment filled with new
friends and supports.
Ruby calls the shelter often, just to update
everyone on how she's doing and to thank
them for "saving her life."
*name changed
"My wife--in one of her drunken rages--took our daughter's
baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my
study. Since I'm over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn't
get much sympathy posing as a `battered man' so it's a
good thing I didn't call the police that night.
I was in a marriage with a woman who had difficulty
controlling her rage, which would frequently erupt with
her hitting, verbal abuse and screaming. One time, after
she initiated a fight by kicking and throwing punches, she
called the police to report me as the
violent abuser! When they responded,
I was seen as the bad guy, she was
the victim!
"I've never told anyone about
my problem. I try to explain to her
how she makes me feel but she
won't listen. I feel like the only
person that should be there for
me is just sinking me down!"
-- Excerpted from "Real Stories"
on www.batteredmen.com
While research indicates that
victims of domestic violence
are 85% women and 15% men, a
2010 survey by the Center for
Disease Control, found that
about 38% of victims of severe
physical domestic violence are men.
According to attorney Randy Collins with the MacGregor
& Collins law firm in Newport Beach, CA, "there are
thousands of instances where men silently suffer beatings
by their girlfriends or wives. Surveys are confirming a
steady increase in such instances."
Men suffer in silence because they are embarrassed, think
they should be able to handle the abuse, think they deserve
it or are afraid of ridicule. A man reporting domestic violence
is three times more likely to be arrested than the woman.
* Some surveys put number of
men who are victims as high
as 38% (www.menweb.com)
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5.8 BILLION
cost per year of intimate
partner violence,
4.1 BILLION
is for medical services
RESOURCES
e truth.
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15%
MEN*
85%
WOMAN
Reasons men remain in
abusive relationships:
SHAME, TO
PROTECT
CHILDREN,
DENIAL
Men do not have many resources
available for help, but awareness
is increasing. Sources include:
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men
and Women: www.dahmw.org
www.batteredman.com
National Domestic Violence
Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
State by state breakdown of
help: www.safe4all.org