S
he just stood there gazing adoringly at her groom, glowing,
radiantly in love. Her father put his hand on their two hands and
pronounced them husband and wife and just like that it was done.
I looked at that young man and I can't describe what I felt toward him.
I can tell you what I was thinking though, and it was something like
"that's my daughter and you better treat her right!" I can't tell you what my hus-
band was thinking at that moment and I'm not sure I could share it with you even
if I did. I know we're supposed to be all spiritual because we're Christians, but
the reality is that we're only human and we're parents.
Sheena was the
fi rst of our two daughters to get married and her sister, Sarah,
followed in her footsteps not quite a year later. They were both only twenty. I
remember feeling uncertain about everything happening so quickly. Over the
next few years we would make a few blunders in our new relationship as we
worked out what it meant to be parents of married children. It took a while to
realize that it was none of my business what jobs they chose to work at, what they
did with their money, how many children they chose to have and even what
names to call those children.
I didn't learn this easily
and the transition from a
parent who has a say to a
parent who needs to
mind her own business
was painful, not only for
me but for my daughters
as well � and their
husbands. I remember
panicking when my
daughter announced a
second pregnancy. I
wondered how they
were going to survive
fi nancially, wasn't it
too soon after the
fi rst? I had no idea
the look on my face
caused her so much
pain. It was several
years before we
learned the truth about how my reaction hurt her and how her news worried me
and made me panic. As a parent now, she understands better how that might
feel.
Navigating the "In-Law Mine
fi eld" is not easy for either the parents or the
adult children. I've managed it with two wonderful sons-in-law, but I still have
three boys to go. You've heard the saying, "A son's a son till he takes a wife,
but a daughter is your daughter the rest of her life." There is some truth to that
W W W . S A I N T E R S E C T I O N . O R G
Vantage Point
@rreardondc
When is it appropriate to stop par-
enting our children?
When they
fi nish
school? When they get married? When
they have children of their own?
This month, we're featuring a soul-
searching article that explores this very
issue. Parenting our adult children is a
delicate transition from care-giver to
encourager. Of course there are always
situations that will make this transition
different for everyone, but Kathie Chiu
has given us some worthy principles to
think about.
We've also reviewed a riveting book
that provides an insider's look into what
life is like in the middle of modern war-
fare. Chaplain Bryan's story is a unique
combination of military history, battle
fi eld
leadership, and God-centered hope in
the midst of the nightmare of war.
As we take time to re
fl ect on all that
we're thankful for this month, take a
moment to think about our soldiers who
remain on the battle
fi eld and why not
pay a visit to a veteran you know to thank
him or her for their service and sacri
fi ce.
OUR ADULT
PARENTING
CHILDREN
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