If we learn how to speak their lan-
guage then we are going to be suc-
cessful in loving them as we mean to.
way. If it's empty you're not go-
ing anywhere. I use the picture
of an emotional love tank. If the
love tank is full and the person
feels genuinely loved, life will be
beautiful. But if the love tank is
empty, and a person doesn't feel
loved, the world looks pretty dark.
A lot of misbehavior in marriage
grows out of an empty love tank.
love language?
and take the quiz. It will tell you
what is primary, secondary and so
forth. Here are three additional
ways you can discover your
spouse's love language:
They are likely speaking their
language to other people. If you
hear your spouse always giving
other people encouraging words,
you can assume that "words
of affirmation" is their lan-
guage. They are doing to others
what they wish others would
do to them. If they are looking
for occasions to give gifts, you
can assume "gifts" is their lan-
guage. Observe their behavior.
about?
to a husband, "We just don't
ever have any time together,"
she is telling him, "My language
is quality time." If you return
home from an out�of�town trip
and your spouse says, "You
didn't bring me anything," he is
telling you that gifts is his lan-
guage. If a wife says to her hus-
band, "I don't think you would
ever touch me if I didn't initiate
it," she is telling him that physi-
cal touch is her language. If he
says, "I can't ever please you,"
he is telling you that words of
affirmation is his language. We
tend to get defensive when our
spouse criticizes us, but they
are really giving us valuable
information. Listen to what's
behind the complaint. It will
tell you their love language.
you most often?
walk after dinner tonight?"
they are asking you for qual-
ity time. If they say, "Could you
give me a back rub?" they are
asking you for physical touch.
Listen to what they are asking
of you because that is a clue.
besides marriage?
Campbell, a Christian child psy-
chiatrist, and wrote the book The
5 Languages of Children
the child's love language and how
this relates to the child's anger, the
child's learning, and to discipline.
Later on I wrote the book, The Five
love language doesn't change but
you have to learn some new dia-
lects because what you have been
doing they now consider childish.
It applies in work relationships. I
wrote The 5 Languages of Appre-
ciation in the Work Place
preciation. It's the same five lan-
guages. In the workplace people
need to feel appreciated, but one
size does not fit all. You have to
learn what makes your colleagues
feel appreciated. It applies in all
human relationships. Our deep-
est emotional need is to feel loved.
What is your answer?
main the same?" My answer is, it re-
mains the same. A child who is very
organized will be organized when
he is 35 or 40. Having said that,
there are certain circumstances or
stages of life in which another love
language might jump to the front.
A mother who has three preschool
children whose primary love lan-
guage is not "acts of service" will
find that anything her husband does
to help her with those children will
speak to her very deeply. It may ap-
pear during that time that her lan-
guage changed to "acts of service."
But when that stage is over it will
go back to the original language.
good or bad?
experience, a super emotional high.