of euphoria. Some say it makes us
crazy enough to make a lifelong com-
mitment to marry. It is a wonderful
experience. But because it lasts an
average of two years and we come
off the high, it is not the foundation
for marriage. That is why we have
to communicate. I entered marriage
with the idea that these feelings that
I was having for her would be there
forever. When I came off the high
soon after we got married I was dis-
illusioned. I thought I'd lost it. What
happened? Our differences emerged
and we found ourselves arguing. Be-
fore long I didn't like her and she
didn't like me very much. We have
to understand that this is normal.
That's where the love language be-
comes so helpful to couples. It helps
them learn how to keep emotional
love alive in the relationship.
marriages?
experience any-
way, it's not that
important that
you have the eu-
phoric experience
of falling in love.
What is important
is that you learn how to love each
other. You have the same task
before you as the one who had
the "in love" experience but lost it.
It is not any worse or more diffi-
cult. You face the same challenge
in learning how to stimulate emo-
tional love in the relationship.
is your personal number 5. If you
rank them in order 1�5 in terms of
what is important to you, the one
that doesn't mean that much to
you is going to be the hardest one
for you to speak. If you find out
that your number 5 is number 1
for your spouse, then there will be
a learning curve. If you have never
given gifts and you find your mar-
ried to someone and gifts is their
language, it will be difficult. You
are going to have to work at learn-
ing how to select and give gifts.
The same thing is true of all of
the other languages on your list.
love is all about in the first place.
The Scriptures say we love God be-
cause He first loved us. He initiated
loved us. Christ came to forgive us,
allowing us to become children of
God. Not only do we get the con-
cept of love from a relationship with
God, we get the ability, the power,
the motivation to reach out and
love others because we have been
loved. Christians are representa-
tives of the love of God. We are His
hands and feet. The Salvation Army
represents that as well as any seg-
ment of the Christian church.
destroy a marriage. Unresolved con-
flicts destroy marriages. If you love
each other and you feel secure in
that love, you process the conflicts,
the difficult places in life much eas-
ier. It's not the answer to everything,
but it is one of the foundation stones
for creating a healthy marriage.
Winston�Salem, North Carolina. He and his wife, Karolyn, have two
adult children and two grandchildren. Visit garychapman.org for
more information.